"They're just words"

A while ago, I was standing in front of my dad's house with my siblings, giving the usual goodbyes, making sure we were on the same page about when we'd visit again, etc., when my dad offered the lamentably common concern, "Drive safely, don't get a ticket."

Back at my mom's place, my drive down to Los Angeles started with that phrase. In fact, my parents insist on saying this every time I step into a vehicle. I mean, yes, I've gotten tickets. Yes, I'm more likely to get one than my sister, who is an obnoxious, pedantic prude when it comes to driving, but that doesn't make my parents' concern any less annoying.

So, because I knew my dad would have the self-esteem and self-confidence to handle it, I offered him a hearty "fuck you," followed with a lengthy rant about how I'm not a menace to civilization when I'm behind the wheel, can you please stop assuming I'm guaranteed to get a ticket every time I drive?

My morgbot brother, who was standing just a few feet from me, was stunned. I remember him stammering and muttering something like, "well... that's not what I'd have said," or something, and he's been overly argumentative with me ever since that moment.

Of course, this is the same brother who met the author of, and got a free copy of, The No Cussing Club, and who no doubt viewed it as an Even Newer Testament of Christ.

In the Mormon religion, cussing is a HUGE taboo, and every Mormon revels in the smug and unfounded pride that he/she doesn't use those "bad words." But what are these words, what makes them bad, and, most importantly, why would the Mormon church not want its members using them?

Many of the words the Mormons take issue with are blunt, crass, and contemptuous. They're disrespectful, aggressive, vehement. They're empowering. They show confidence and express a potent, rebellious disdain.

If I call your computer a piece of shit, my low opinion of the quality of your computer is very, very clear. If I tell you to fuck off for trying to micromanage me, there's a very clear message there, too: "I know what I'm doing, you don't, and I'm not going to submit to you."

Put simply, they aren't "just words"; they're rebellious, self-asserting, powerful words. They're words that express a rugged individuality. They're words that allow you to push back all the religions and ideologies that try their hardest to tell you who you are, how you should act, and what you should think.

... and you can't have that in the Mormon church. God forbid someone would stand up and proclaim "I am who I am!" while simultaneously proclaiming: "And you can fuck off and die if you want me to be someone else."

So, to all you Mormons out there who read the scriptures and The No Cussing Club every night before you go to sleep, let me give you a brief lecture on NewSpeak 101:

Words have meaning. When we think, all but the most visceral of our thoughts are made of words. A large vocabulary allows us to articulate exactly what we mean, but it also allows us to think complex thoughts. We have words like "hamburger," which serves as pleasant shorthand for "meat that is topped with various sauces and/or cheeses, placed between two slices of bread," but we also have words like "patriotism," "derivative," and "fortuitous," which each carry not just unique meanings, but unique concepts.

If we try to remove certain words from our language, we lose our ability to think the thoughts those words convey.

And so, to all you Mormons out there who think disrespectful words are taboo, who think sexual words are taboo and hold a smug, holier-than-thou attitude about it, and, in fact, to anyone else out there who tries to remove words from our vocabulary, I've got an unpleasant, disrespectful, rebellious response for you:

Fuck you. Fuck you with rusted nails and other sharp, potentially disease-carrying objects. Because we, as a culture, need words like these.