The excitement of missionary work

Growing up in the church, missionary work was always painted with this rosy, "miracles and spiritual experiences all the time" flair, with some undertones of "it's a lot of work; but it's worth it." Friends of mine have come back from their missions and go on aimlessly about spiritual experiences, baptisms, etc. But it's very different when you're distanced from all the idealistic propaganda.

I have two younger brothers, the older of which is old enough that he should be on a mission, but has chosen not to, and the younger of which is frightfully and depressingly gung-ho about anything and everything about the church.

The head of the household I've been banned from saw this and, in a desperate attempt to stop my oldest brother from becoming just like his son, sicked the missionaries on him in the hopes that it would motivate my brother to go on a mission.

It hasn't worked. All it's really done is motivate my brother to hide when they come over every Friday, so it ends up being to two missionaries doing their thing with my youngest brother, and damn do they always sound bored. (If I were conversing instead of writing, this is where I'd put on a dry, distracted monotone and run through basic church talking points to imitate them: "The Atonement is the most important part of the church, and it is the foundation...")

I, thankfully, grew up before I went on a mission, so, as I peer down the hallway and listen in on my brother's one-on-two missionary sessions, it is a bizarre and alien experience. I'd gone tracting with the missionaries back when I was a member and, while all we got were a bunch of people slamming doors in our faces, the impression I left with was that, while you get rejected a whole bunch, Missionary Moments™ were always just around the corner.

The impression I have now, though, is somewhat cynical. Missionary work isn't so much about converting people as much as it's about taking young people, throwing them wildly out of their comfort zone, and then comforting them with the only thing there that's familiar: the Mormon church. It's about dependency.

And, apparently, missionaries forget all the bored-out-of-their-fucking-minds parts of their missions and remember all the baptisms and stuff. I ironically thank God that I never went on a mission, never married into the church, and never got sealed in the Temple.